I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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