help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
