it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
