last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
