Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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