when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just gift wrapped bread.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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