apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
