I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
