Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
