member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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