garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
