The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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