hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize