Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
how drunk are you?
Several
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
