I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
