Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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