I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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