Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
