What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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