I molested 6 butterflies tonight
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
