they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize