i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
