dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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