I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
this is an emotional support booty call
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
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