I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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