So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
