Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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