Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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