Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
