My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Randomize
