Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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