I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
