no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
