So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
