At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
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