Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
