At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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