sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
