I bet he comes in French.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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