70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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