Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
