My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
