It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
