Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
