I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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