This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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