I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
