you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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