i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
