That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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