Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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