remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
