We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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