Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
It's no shave November. This is our time.