I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
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He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
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I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that