are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
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Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
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During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.