he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist