So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
two words...techno handjob
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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