just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Boobs are out for the taking
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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