Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
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he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
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Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize