Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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