Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i wish my penis had a tongue
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
