I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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