Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You smell like stripper and shame
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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