need another drink. this is the easiest way
i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
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