did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
