You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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