i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
