dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just invented taco cereal.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
