billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The uberlube is also flammable
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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