I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Randomize
