I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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