My brain says no but my pants say off.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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