I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
