Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
