i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
